The King is Dead
My translation of a Chanoch Levin poem entitled "שחמט", posted on Simon Holloway's website at 7:33pm on August 14, 2006:
My son whith'r went, whith'r went my goodly son?
A pawn of black didst strike the lighter pawn
My father shan't return, shan't come my father back
An iv'ry pawn didst strike a pawn of black
Sobbing in the rooms and in the yard serene
The king continues playing with the queen
My son shan't rise again, will dwell'n eternal night
A pawn of black didst strike a pawn of white
My father lies in dark to nevermore see dawn
A pawn of white didst strike the darker pawn
Sobbing in the rooms and in the yard serene
The king continues playing with the queen
My son once in my breast, now does i'th' clouds sojourn
A pawn of black didst strike the lighter pawn
My father warm of heart, now warmth his heart does lack
An iv'ry pawn didst strike a pawn of black
Sobbing in the rooms and in the yard serene
The king continues playing with the queen
My son whith'r went, whith'r went my goodly son?
Have fallen, pawn of black, the lighter pawn
My father shan't return, shan't come my father back
Are absent, iv'ry pawn and pawn of black
Sobbing in the rooms and in the yard serene
Alone on empty board just king and queen
Labels: Stunted Creativity Discharge
posted by Daniel @ 2:34 PM
2 Comments:
Overall, this is hugely superior to the translation that I attempted, but there are still aspects of it that I don't like. I don't appreciate the archaic use of language (which I don't think corresponds to anything in the Hebrew), and I feel that some of the lines are forced ("Have fallen, pawn of black, the lighter pawn" and "Alone on empty board just king and queen"). My only other criticism is "the yard serene" which, while it does provide you with a rhyme for 'queen', conveys the exact opposite to the original Hebrew (that there is crying in the bedroom but silence in the yard). This makes it look like there is also sobbing in the yard, a place that is nonetheless serene.
So much for my criticism: well done on managing to make it rhyme! I especially like the way in which you alternated between clauses like "iv'ry pawn", "pawn of white", "lighter pawn", etc. While this does not reflect diversity in the original it enables you to make the poem rhyme and actually adds something to the overall effect.
I agree with Moo's last point, but also feel that it's necessary to point out that the Hebrew word for chess is שחמט, not שחמת. It doesn't mean "the king is dead", except etymologically, and a better translation would simply be "Chess" anyway. Incidentally, "Chess" is also phonologically derived from the Persian, only via the Europeans who had difficulty with the second guttural of the word /šaḥ/
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